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Home > Hilarious, Science, Tech > Time Traveling Saboteurs Could Be Responsible For the Large Hadron Collider’s Technical Woes

Time Traveling Saboteurs Could Be Responsible For the Large Hadron Collider’s Technical Woes

The Large Hadron Collider has certainly been met with its fair share of technical woes in its quest to find the elusive Higgs boson, or “God,” particle. After suffering setback upon setback, two physicists have begun theorizing that the future itself could be responsible for the technical issues. Hit the jump to read more.

Physicists Holger Bech Nielsen and Masao Ninomiya certainly put forth a compelling, albeit decidedly odd, theory about the setbacks surrounding the LHC project. According to them it’s possible that this isn’t a stretch of bad luck at all, but the future itself actually trying to prevent the “abhorrent event” of discovering the Higgs bosun particle:

“It must be our prediction that all Higgs producing machines shall have bad luck,” Dr. Nielsen said in an e-mail message. In an unpublished essay, Dr. Nielson said of the theory, “Well, one could even almost say that we have a model for God.” It is their guess, he went on, “that He rather hates Higgs particles, and attempts to avoid them.”

It certainly sounds a bit far-fetched, but the science fiction nerd in me really wants to believe it. It’s certainly an interesting idea for a multitude of reasons, but what stands out most to me is that such a theory would seem to infer that time itself is a sentient thing, completely aware of all past, present, and future events and able to interact with the time stream. But that’d be silly. Let’s assume influences from the future are in fact trying to stop the discovery. That could mean a few things:

  • The Higgs boson leads to the formation of Lavos, and the Chrono Trigger crew are trying to stop it at its source.
  • Booster Gold and Rip Hunter are policing the time stream.
  • Grant Morrison may really be a time-traveling wizard.
  • Doctor Who will spend the next season trying to prevent the LHC from succeeding.

Thanks to io9 for the story.

Speaking of Doctor Who, this isn’t the first time that time travel has been involved in an attempt to sabotage the Large Hadron Collider. Apparently a chrononaut from the future was arrested last year in his attempts to prevent the Higgs boson from destroying the future. This story is just too golden to even paraphrase, so I’m just reposting it here. Courtesy of CNET:

A would-be saboteur arrested today at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland made the bizarre claim that he was from the future. Eloi Cole, a strangely dressed young man, said that he had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world.

The LHC successfully collided particles at record force earlier this week, a milestone Mr Cole was attempting to disrupt by stopping supplies of Mountain Dew to the experiment’s vending machines. He also claimed responsibility for the infamous baguette sabotage in November last year.

Mr Cole was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted him rooting around in bins. He explained that he was looking for fuel for his ‘time machine power unit’, a device that resembled a kitchen blender.

Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would not reveal his country of origin. “Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I’m here to stop it ever happening.”

Love it. But the beauty is in the details: a bow-tied, tweed-wearing man tried to sabotage the LHC and claimed he was from the future.

Guys, Doctor Who just tried to save our lives from a future filled with free money and Kit-Kats. You can’t make this sh*t up.

Here’s to our Red chocolatey future!

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  1. February 2, 2012 at 3:11 PM

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